I'm so through with this whole thing. You tell me you don't know what to do and then when I tell you what I think you should do, you throw it back in my face and blame EVERYTHING on me. It's not my fault. I know I came off as bitchy last night, but you fucking lied to me. That's super fucked up. You're pushing away people who truly care about you. Actually, no, you're pushing away two of the most important people in your life. And how fucking dare you say I've been a fucked up friend. I've had good intentions all along. I've been here for you from the beginning. I've seen the heart breaks more than once, and still you go back to that person. Do you REALLY believe that this person is gonna come back next year? Really? Because if you do, you're totally mistaken. For now, I've lost my respect. What happened to the girl that said she would NEVER let a man control her or play with her emotions? Do you remember saying that when we were in 7th grade? Cause I sure as hell do. And I love you so fucking much. But right now you're being incredibly stupid. The fact that you believe you need a man for security is ridiculous. It pisses me off so much. You DON'T need a man to tell you you're beautiful or require security from one. That puts you under their thumb so they have control over you. Have some fucking respect for yourself.
I just can't get over the fact that you lied to not just me, but all of us. You could have stood up for yourself and told us, "No. I'm not going to do it. End of story." Don't tell me I made you do anything. You're your own person and you make your own descions. I'm pissed because I can see that you're miserable. And don't tell me you're happy because no one is happy with 2nd best. Ever. But you never said that you weren't going to do it. Instead you lied to me and told me you did, even though I knew deep down you truly didn't.
And all I fucking did was listen to your feelings. You are one big blob of feelings. And yes, I'm helluh fucking judgemental, wanna know why? Because I refuse to let someone walk all over me. It is IMPOSSIBLE for someone not to be judgemental. I didn't need to get to know that person because they proved to me by LYING to you and fucking you over countless times. You giving me shit about taking the other person's side is helluh messed up. I took their side because they were right. Maybe not about every little detail, but generally, they were right.
You complained about how badly you missed the other person, and then we'd come up with a plan for you to talk to them. You can't have both of them. It's not fair. Actually, you already made your decision. The whole time you blamed the other person for 'making you choose' but you would have to choose in the end anyway. It's unfair to them because you keep dragging him along saying that it's him you love, and you'd pick him no matter what, but you never picked him. You didn't even try chasing after him. And if you did love him the way you say you do, you would NOT have given up on him, you wouldn't have done what you did with the other person, and you would make sure it was him you were with. You would fight until the end. But you didn't. God. I could go on forever but I'm going to stop here because it's not like you're going to listen anyway. Plus, I'm a fucked up friend, remember?
I'm helluh hurt.
love,
your best friend for fucking eternity
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