Today was a good day. Only because I found out a few small things. Without those small things today would have sucked. It's truly amazing how the littlest things have the biggest impact on my mood.
Something new. Well, sort of. I've been having this dream a lot for the past few nights. And each night it ends the same. I wake up, my heart racing, body trembling, sweat profusely falling from my face, and my breathing heavy. I would dream I was standing on the edge of the cliff at sunset, looking down into the endless blue darkness. Waves would crash against the rocks, waiting to devour me whole. I'd stay there until you walked by and saw me, then I'd fling myself off the cliff into the water without a moment of hesitation. Free falling. The most curious feeling would build up in my stomach as I fell down, down, down. It was like a thousand butterflies fluttering around inside, pressing against the lining of my stomach, wanting to break free. And when I did this, you never jumped in after me. You'd stand there at the edge looking out into the sunset, mouthing something I couldn't understand, as the tides violently dragged me out to sea. No matter how hard I tried, I could never swim back to the top. And the whole time I'd be crying, water filling my lungs, begging for you to jump in and save me. But you never did, and I know you never will, but I keep jumping off that cliff hoping that each time it'll be different.
I don't know how else to tell it right now.
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